1 month after lex I stopped caring about my boyfriend and my family -but I was happy.. emotionless

I have been with my boyfriend for 3 years and I have always loved him very much,felt warm,caring about him,I wanted to marry him..But unfortunatelly in december’07 I started feeling very nervous,I shaked I had many negative thoughts(I was afraid that something bad could happened to my BF or to my family).The same situation like in case of Marlies;it was somewhat of an extreme of the depression I’d been feeling for a couple years before hand.Two days later I thought: Do I still love my BF??I was scared??I didn’t know what it was!!I lost interest in everything,I was really depressed.My boyfriend always has been with me,being very supportive and he said he would always be there for me.

One month later I started taking Lexapro(10 mg)and then I stopped caring of my boyfriend,my family…I was happy but just with myself ,I prefered to be alone.

Three months later I was off Lexapro.I didn’t want to feel that emotional emptiness anymore!!Immediately I started feeling warm towards my boyfriend and loving him!!Unfortunatelly I got sick again and I stopped caring:((I just wanted to dissapear!!I didn’t know why it was like that!!I didn’t understood.I started taking Motival and again I had that emotional feeling,I wanted to marry my boyfriend,I said to everybody.I was so in love!!Till today there are times when I feel love,there are times that I feel so sad because I feel like I would not love my boyfriend anymore;(( I just would love to feel like I used to.Without that chaos!!

I don’t know what to do.Deep inside of me I feel that I love my boyfriend but there’s something that sometimes makes me feel like I don’t care…