Broke up my 3 year relationship might have got an std ashamed and disgusted

Hi, I’ve posted on here before and shared my experience with escitalopram. I am only 21, but this disgusting drug made me ruin my 3 year relationship with my boyfriend. I broke up with him and slept with his friend more than once. I stopped taking escitalopram when I could see again, I realised what I had done, and ever since have felt ashamed and disgusted of myself every day.

My boyfriend did take me back, and my love for him is stronger than ever, but now it’s all getting dug up again…Two days ago I finally went and did what I should of done a long time ago and got tested for STI’s (we did not use any protection…I WAS NOT myself, before I had always used condoms), but I have to wait 10-14 working days for the results! I have now gotten in to a massive panic (I suffer from bad anxiety), and don’t know how to wait that long. I am now convincing myself that I have HIV and have given it to my boyfriend. This probably sounds really stupid to everyone, and all my friends are just laughing I would even suggest such a thing. But what if I really am that unlucky, I know I just have to wait for the results, and now my worry is making my boyfriend worried and angry at me, because i’m convincing him I have something.

I am petrified, I love him so much, I don’t want this horrible memory to haunt him his entire life, and I know I couldn’t live with it. I’m just hoping I am paranoid, I haven’t suffered any symptoms…but I still worry.

Sorry for the rant, and Bluesmurf, I didn’t even know what depersonalization meant when I read it, and wasn’t aware when I was experiencing it.