Lexapro off 4 weeks and I can feel again. lost my baby

I lost my soulmate because of this piece of shit drug. I was on cipralex for 1 1/2 years. My poor baby went through so much shut because of me, I used to yell at her and not give a shit about the repercussions. I’ve been of of it for 4 weeks and I can feel again. But I lost her. And now my world is empty. I am nothing without her.