Effexor, Well and bipolar
January 27, 20xx
Update on my story: After my husband and partner of 11 years, reduced his Effexor from 150 to 112 mg left me two weeks ago, I met up with him a couple days ago to tell him I’d be willing to do whatever it takes to repair our marriage and give him what he needs if he comes home. Instead of being responsive, he remained angry, hostile, cruel, cold and apathetic and said he didn’t want to be with me anymore and when I pushed, he said that divorce could make sense then. He’s on disability leave from work and sleeping at his brother’s house 3 hours north of me. He says that he can heal there and that it’s unsafe to be with me because I’m controlling. I know I have no choice but to move on, but I still can’t quite get over the fact that none of this adds up. There were signs that he was unhappy starting about a month before we separated, but before that we had a marriage with mostly typical issues, and he seemed mostly happy. Meanwhile, I feel completely abandoned, broken-hearted and alone (he left me knowing I didn’t have a big community where we currently live). When we spoke he seemed adamant that healing was the only important thing to him, not our marriage, our life together or even the dog we share. I’m so lost and confused and wondering if any of you have seen such extreme behavior like this before (i.e. a partner leaving and willing to end a marriage) while going off meds and if I should cling to any hope or simply move on. He did hint at his concern in the marriage and even tossed around the idea of separation BEFORE reducing the meds, but I believe at that time he was also going on Wellbutrin.
February 9, 20xx
Anyone ever been told by their SO when withdrawing from an AD that they never loved you or are not “in love” with you?
March 28, 20xx
My husband’s dosage of Effexor was doubled three years ago, and he’s said over the past 1–2 years he didn’t feel love for me but that at points before the increase he did. Is it common for the drug to inhibit love? He also seems to focus on the bad more than the good that happened in the relationship.
July 29, 20xx
Hi all, it’s been a while since I posted in here but wanted to share an update on my story: My husband who went manic when going off Effexor in January and became manic, walked out on me and became emotionally abusive has gone full cycle. He is now depressed, is owning up to everything he’s done wrong claims to be completely empty in my life and regretful of not only being abusive but also taking me for granted in our marriage. He also says he thinks he loves me but doesn’t know for sure as he’s just getting his emotions back. I know I deserve better, I know that he will likely go through an episode again, I know that while he’s making more of an effort to get help and support, it’s still not enough. However, I still love him as a best friend and person. I miss him tremendously and remember the man I married who was sweet, humble, caring, and so in love with me. I also remember the man I married who was capable of change when he put his mind to it. And I can’t help but wonder how much of this episode could legitimately have been due to antidepressant withdrawal (and the doctor who put him on Wellbutrin!). Abuse is abuse no matter what. Period. I understand that. I just don’t know how to reconcile all of this as I’m about to submit the divorce papers. What are your thoughts on second chances? He claims that his doctors are saying the erratic, hyper-sexual, psychotic and VERY manic like state he was in was likely just to do withdrawal. I don’t buy it, do you? I think it’s likely Bipolar. Note he had symptoms of mania BEFORE going off the Effexor.
September 20xx
Wanted to share an update to my saga and thank everyone in this group for all of your support these past few months. My husband is now pretty stable after his severe manic episode linked to the withdrawal of Effexor and is working hard to get his life (and me) back. It’s been the most difficult time of my life, and I’m still not sure what the future holds for us (moving forward with legal separation), but I’m just glad he’s getting the treatment he needs for bipolar and is no longer on Effexor. If anyone here has any words of wisdom about building a life with someone with bipolar disorder and healing after trauma, please do share!
